I have attempted to develop a contemplative life for the past 20 years. I am beginning to realise that the length of time yearly does not matter at all, it is simply a choice made each day to spend time in a relationship with Creator Spirit, Yahweh.
The choice for contemplative living is a good one because the practice helps particularly in difficult times. I went through that liminal space in 2019 after leaving my beloved game reserve and moving to Johannesburg. I went into a deep dark sadness and grief and of course, it is natural after a move and change of job. This time I had no real job to go to and no known source of income. I had to reinvent myself yet again. It was not easy and the easy hasn’t happened yet.
During this time I imagined leaning against Jesus as a living breathing person. Leaning with my back into his chest, both of us facing forward. That is all I could do in my loss and grief and sense of hopelessness at growing older and having to start again. I never rushed the pain away, I sat there knowing that I was being held by my Beloved Creator and also by the people she brought into my life- my family and a new community where I found much love and belonging.
Today after time in contemplative prayer, I heard the voice of my Beloved tell me to get out of the boat and follow him, he would hold me up and lead me. Just a few seconds of deep connection worth more than I could ever know or understand.
Experiences like this make me excited, learning ‘to think with power, passion and perseverance’ (Daniel O’Leary). I am learning to guard my mind through contemplative prayer and the result is grace-filled strength and power in quiet and stillness.
Thank you, my Beloved. I love you.
