The past year 2019, was a time of dealing with much loss, people, places and old habits. Losing old habits that no longer have any purpose was a good thing. Great sadness and grief came from the loss of dear cousins and friends. The place I lost was Somkhanda Game Reserve, and the local community, but they are still close to me in my heart.
I have had to re-invent myself in Johannesburg and once the deep grief of loss became acceptance and joy, doors started to open and new opportunities presented themselves. While I was in deep pain and grief, I knew that it would come to an end. I have experienced loss many times before and came out the other end with renewed peace, serenity and wisdom. But, in the thick of the grief, it is difficult to remember that it will get better. And now it is, with even more layers of serenity, peace and wisdom. My source of strength during grief is always my beloved Holy Spirit who leads me to particular reading in the bible (as well as other books). The Psalms have always comforted me in grief and last year Sharon Grussendorf’s book “Contemplative Living” held me together through the tears and pain. We have to embrace the pain and not deny it because denial will not take it away, ever.
The opportunity I needed was a new source of income. Being over 60 years old is absolutely not easy to start afresh in a business or a new job. Getting a job is difficult for 20-year-olds, being 60 + is even more difficult, so I had to reinvent myself and find an entrepreneurial way of making a livelihood.
The complexity and density of this for me is that I feel wired to take others along with me while I create a livelihood for myself. I am conflicted in this area of my life, deeply because it complicates things. I am supposed to be a two on the Enneagram which is a ‘helper’, so as I mature in age my way of ‘helping’ is also changing. I have come to believe that it is better to ask the other if they want to help first of all and secondly what kind of help do they want and then of course, am I able to help.
The rate of unemployment is so massive in South Africa (more than 40%) and the rate of poverty is also high. I can’t deal with it all. So the way I deal with it is to ask myself: What is God’s will in my life just for today? How do I make my income just for today? Who is it today God, whom you have brought into my life for co-creating a livelihood? Am I discerning correctly? The answer is a quiet voice that says “Be gentle on yourself, go through the day trusting Me and particularly yourself. Trust me, I am leading you”.
So, I embrace these many opportunities that are presenting themselves to me now in 2020 and the people who have come along with me. Khosi with food production, Temba selling the recycled pegs and Mother Africa ladies with their recycled beautiful bags, Queen, Ruth and Barbara. I am selling spiritual books and this, particularly for me, is an unexpected beautiful blessing and ministry that is starting to bring in a really good income for me.
So re-inventing yourself in your 60’s can be very exciting, rewarding and fulfilling. After going through the pain in the liminal space and grief and the loss of very special people, I can hold my loss and grief in a new space of joy and enthusiasm for each day.
